Sometimes you have to find ways to dig yourself out of your emotions. At times mine feel like the darkest deepest pit there is and the light and the way out seem so far beyond my reach. Shortly after college I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and it has been an uphill battle ever since.
Friends and family always considered me to be “sensitive”. The first time I remember feeling depressed was around the age of 13. I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t know there was a name for what I was feeling until many years later.
Fast forward to now I’ve gotten much better at enduring those dark storms that show up whenever they feel like it. I’ve learned to find an outlet so I don’t get lost in the storm for days, weeks or months on end.
Writing and fitness have helped me to channel those negative thoughts and emotions that creep up on me at times. I’ve always loved to write but when I was deeply depressed it was hard to look back on those negative feelings. It was hard to see it on the page. All those emotions would come rushing back and I would find myself feeling anxious and overwhelmed all over again.
Lately I have been immersing myself in reading poetry and well reading in general. As a single mother of 2 it’s hard to find those quiets moments to sit down and read a book. When I get the opportunity to do so I take full advantage of it. There’s nothing quite like getting lost in the pages of a book.
Not only has reading helped settle those constant swirling thoughts but it’s also lit a fire in me to start writing again. The rawness that was once there is no more. I find joy in it as I did when I first started writing.
My love for fitness came almost out of nowhere lol. I have enjoyed yoga from time to time but that was sporadic at best. After taking a spin class my mom came home and told me how much she likes it and how she thought I would too. So I figure why not let’s give it a whirl. It was amazing! The loud music, the dark room, the glowing lights, and the instructor yelling motivational mantras at you over the music. I was hooked after one class and a year later I’m going to take my spinning instructor certification.
Everyday is different. Some days are easier than others. Some days I want to throw the covers over my head and other days I feel like I could run a marathon. But what I have learned is that you can’t pour from an empty cup. You’re no good to yourself or anyone else if you don’t find ways to pull yourself up. Try different things to pull yourself out of the pit. The same recipe doesn’t work for everyone. But always know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a way up and out of the pit. You will get there and you will be stronger when you do.
Photo Credit: Mitch Dobrowner