I wish I could make myself stop caring
I wish I could stop wanting
But there has been this hole in my being for as long as I can remember
I’ve tried to patch it
Tried to stitch it
Tried to avoid it
Tried to ignore it, drink it dance it out of my system but it stays
Like a black hole in the core of my being
Aching the very depths of my soul
It snatches the very breath from my lips
And leaves me gasping for air
I wish I could stop this feeling from consuming all that I am
It keeps me up at night
I stare at the ceiling wondering if wholeness and fulfillment will ever come
Like the elusive answer I keep waiting for but never receive
I wish the answer would come
I wish the hole could be patched
I wish I could will myself into a state of wholeness
I wish the brokenness never came
Who knew so many fissures over time could cause such breaks in a being
Who could know a thing like that
And who knows how long till that kind of destruction can be repaired…if ever
I wish I could heal this gaping hole that is my heart
-Krystal Hinton-