I wish I could make myself stop caring

 I wish I could stop wanting 

But there has been this hole in my being for as long as I can remember 

I’ve tried to patch it 

Tried to stitch it

Tried to avoid it 

Tried to ignore it, drink it dance it out of my system but it stays 

Like a black hole in the core of my being 

Aching the very depths of my soul

It snatches the very breath from my lips 

And leaves me gasping for air 

I wish I could stop this feeling from consuming all that I am 

It keeps me up at night

I stare at the ceiling wondering if wholeness and fulfillment will ever come 

Like the elusive answer I keep waiting for but never receive 

I wish the answer would come 

I wish the hole could be patched 

I wish I could will myself into a state of wholeness 

I wish the brokenness never came 

Who knew so many fissures over time could cause such breaks in a being 

Who could know a thing like that 

And who knows how long till that kind of destruction can be repaired…if ever 

I wish I could heal this gaping hole that is my heart 

-Krystal Hinton-