All of the feelings are still here
But you force me to suppress them, redirect them
You only allow me to have a piece of you
Never all of you
So I take what I can get
In hopes that one day maybe you might give more
Never knowing for sure…
I’m lying to myself because I know how selfish you are
How emotionally unavailable you are
We had something
When it died
Better yet when you killed it
Better yet when you forced me to push my feelings aside to survive
The residue remained
And I can’t get it off me
So I wait on stolen moments with you to feel the high
I get lost staring into your eyes
I rub the freckles on your faces
Pinch you side just to see you smile
And I hate when I have to resurface
When I have to push all that aside because you won’t let me
You won’t let me
I feel all of the things I felt before but you won’t let me
You have no space for me
In my heart
There is an emptiness
There is a chill about it
Because I have learned to numb the feelings and push them to the side
Now they say I won’t let them in
And I only give so much
But you wouldn’t let me
And I learned from the best
So now I’m no longer available in the same ways I wanted you to be
Damn
Now there is no space in the place I once held for your love