Let me preface this blog post by saying this is NOT one of my usual warm, fuzzy, encouraging Christian posts. I wish it were but sometimes life gets messy and at times it can be hard to encourage yourself let alone others. But like Real Talk Kim says “God will turn your mess into your message”, “He’ll turn your scars into stars” so no matter the message I plan on sharing. And if it helps just one person in the process I’m good with that.
According to Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross The Five Stages of Mourning are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I have lost loved ones before but I never felt I went through these stages until recently. Although I mourned previous loses I always felt at peace about them. But this was very different……
I lost someone I was estranged from. Someone I had severed all ties from. But for some unknown reason this loss threw me into a tailspin. The myriad of emotions was and sometimes still is overwhelming.
Denial-At first I couldn’t believe it, I think I was in shock. Then I was looking for someone to blame but the reality set in and I just had to face it.
Anger- This one I have experienced the most. This one I’m still working through. After the denial I though “Oh how typical of you to create a storm then leave” I know this is a mean thought and not very Christian but it’s real, it’s how I felt and sometimes still feel, and I would rather be transparent than fake. By the grace of God I’m working past this feeling of anger but it will take time because there are a lot of underlying factors behind this feeling.
Bargaining- I can’t say that I did too much of this but I did pray and ask God to have mercy on their soul because unfortunately this persons life wasn’t aligned with God.
Depression- I don’t think this one affected me as much but I did pick up some old habits I thought I had killed in order to avoid dealing with the emotional toll this loss was taking. Hence the #underconstruction title. There is still much work to be done in my faith walk. When I should have pressed into God I didn’t. I didn’t want to deal with it so I turned too other things and quickly remember why I had let those things go in the first place.
Acceptance- Yesterday I came to the realization that it’s done. What’s done is done. It’s sad and very unfortunate but in all things God has a plan. I have had to deal with the death of a relationship and then the death of that person. It’s heavy and uncomfortable but in order to change for the better you have to move out of your comfort zone.
I’m dusting myself off, picking myself up, and continuing my walk in faith.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Pray my strength in the Lord,